Going on a ski holiday with your partner for the first time is pretty much one of the most stressful things you can do as a couple.
“You’ve endured dozens of polite Sunday lunches, but nothing will prepare you for a week in a chalet with them”
Let’s be honest: skiing can cause break ups. What with all the stresses over abilities, increased level of physical activity, lack of sleep, abundance of alcohol and hot instructors floating around the après bars, it’s far from a relaxing beach break with you boo.
What makes it even more stressful? Going with your in-laws. Even if you’ve endured dozens of polite Sunday lunches and country walks, nothing will prepare you for a week in a chalet with them.
Here are 18 things you shouldn’t do while skiing with the in-laws…
1. Set fire alarm off at 3am after attempting to make cheese on toast while smashed and falling asleep on the kitchen table…
2. Eye up their outerwear and say: “I think I saw that ski jacket in a museum once…”
3. Loudly announce that you think all skiers are wankers
4. Accidentally leave their damp ski boots on the balcony during an overnight snowstorm
5. Shout “this tastes like piss!” when they offer you some fancy French wine… before downing the bottle
6. Constantly cut them up on runs
7. Ruin their expensive ski jacket by spilling vin chaud over it
8. Come home late and vomit all over the couch
9. Challenge their youngest child to a race and laugh aggressively in their face when they lose miserably
10. Finish dinner at a fancy mountain restaurant, burp and say: “This one’s on you, right?”
11. Have loud, angry fights in your chalet bedroom at midnight
12. Have loud, angry sex in your chalet bedroom at midnight
13. Start a conversation with: “So last night, your son/daughter and I were having sex…”
14. Bring up a touchy topic at dinner, be it religious extremism, their estranged drug-dealing uncle or UKIP
15. Run over their brand new powder skis
16. Accidentally walk in on them on the loo again… and again… and again…
17. Snog the face off their child (your partner) at every opportunity