4) “I like snowboarding as well. I love that Shaun White”

Give me another name. I dare you

8) “Can you do tricks like that?”

A quadcork? You think I can do a quadcork?

9) “But you can do, like, one backflip, right?”

You’re asking that from a loving place, right?

10) Why do you wear a hat all of the time?

Why do you dress like a TopShop spunk-cup all of the time?

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11) “Why are you so obsessed with Japan?”

Please stop talking

12) “Wouldn’t you rather go on a nice beach holiday?”

No, because people like you will be there

16) “But, you can’t actually snowboard in the UK, so what’s the point?”

There are some very angry people looking for you

17) “I bet you have tattoos, don’t you?”

I think you’re confusing the act of snowboarding with being the human Lil Wayne

18) “I bet you like Metallica, don’t you?”

I actually hate the swagging rock scrotums-cysts only a little less than I hate you right now

19) “Aren’t snowboarders just a bunch of pot-heads?”

Christ, Mum! For the final time, I thought it was oregano!

20) You know snowboarding’s a fad though, right?

Yeah, they said that about the computer as well, didn’t they.

21) “Why do you all wear such silly clothes?”

You do know you’re wearing what you yourself describe as a ‘unitard’, don’t you?

22) “Don’t your trousers fall down, being so baggy?”

Almost as much as your gran’s knickers ‘fell down’ during the war

23) “Will you be alright getting the button lift?”

Let’s be honest here. We both know the answer is ‘no, so why even ask?

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