Because the internet is full of bored, mouth-breathing arse-brains (not you, dear reader. No. Those people *points at other people*, they are the bored, mouth-breathing arse-brains), back in 2013, there was an entirely false rumour doing the rounds that Nicolas Cage had died in a snowboarding accident.
He may have flopped many, many times – have you seen the remake of The Wickerman? It’s truly dreadful. Abject, even. Made worse, of course, by the fact that the 1973 original is so bum-clenchingly glorious, but let us digress no further.
He may have flopped many, many times, but he’s is alive, well, and enjoying life to the full. So, to redress the balance, we examine the times when Nicolas Cage perfectly summed up snowboarding
1) Your very first line of the season
2) When you ride away from an icy landing
3) When you land something you’ve been trying for ages
4) When Shaun White gets a perfect score in the 2012 Winter X Games
5) When the shop monkey shows you how stiff your new powder board is