3) Gareth Bale

Full time footballer and part time Stuart Kenny look-a-like, Gareth Bale sent shockwaves through the back pages of the tabloid press when he became the worlds most expensive Welshman when Spanish club Real Madrid bought him from Tottenham Hotspur for €758billion.

Garry B, now enjoys a relaxed life in the Spanish capital. But, being smack-bang in the middle of the country, there’s pretty much no surf scene.

6) Youri Djorkaeff

He won the World Cup back in 1998, but Youri Djorkaeff has no place on a surf board.

7) Prince

Before a fictional fall from grace that saw him move to Coatbride in Lanarkshire and get a job in the Pot Noodle factory, the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known As Prince had a pop career that saw him sitting comfortably on top of the world.

At no point did the late Purple Rain singer ventured near a surf board. Some speculate this was down to his diminutive size. Others suggest it was down to a fear of water. Most people, however, simply don’t speculate, concentrating on their own lives.

10) Kofi Annan

Kofi Annan is the diplomat from Ghana who served as Secretary General of the United Nations from 1997 to 2006. While in office, Kofi oversaw many UN operations throughout the world, but at no point showed even the faintest glimmer of an interest in surfing.

He is remembered, however, for having a name which many a granddad laughingly said “coffee and naan” out loud whenever he appeared on the news. Halcyon days.

11) Peter Kay

Professional rememberer and full time northerner Peter ‘Garlic Bread’ Kay is so adverse to surfing that he won’t even ‘surf’ the internet. As such he’s oblivious to the resource that allows the rest of the world to look up things from recent history.

Instead, he bases stage shows on reciting events from recent history that are incredibly popular with people from small satellite towns that also don’t have the luxury of the world wide web.

12) John Virgo

John Virgo was the professional snooker player known on the circuit as ‘Mr Perfection’ due to how incredibly tidy he would leave his travel lodge while on tour. After retiring from the sharp end of competitive snooker, he remained in the game as a comentator.

He also co-presented 1990’s BBC TV snooker quiz Big Break with Jim Davidson – a man so devoid of charm that Virgo attempted to redress the balance by wearing novelty waistcoats.

While, frankly, above such a format, Virgo remained co-host of Big Break throughout its existence, which many people blame on his professional surf career never taking off. Others suggest that the 69 year old northerner simply isn’t built for surfing, having spent most of his life choosing between the easy pink, or the difficult screw into the brown.

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