THE AGGRO GUY
He’s the angriest guy in the water, paddling around with a scowl that could burn straight through you. Aggro Guy will throw a tantrum for the smallest offences, splashing water in your face like a petulant two year-old. If you dare to drop in on him, he will threaten to snap your board in half. The irony is he’s not even the best surfer in the water. He’s pretty average. The worst kind of Aggro Guy is the one that only picks on women because he thinks they are easy prey.
THE NERD THAT RIPS
You’ll see him wearing a Patagonia bucket hat, super long boardshorts and a rashvest. Any visible skin will be covered in a layer of zinc suncream so blindingly white, people have to turn away as he paddles past. He looks like a kook, but this dude is a ripper in disguise. He’s better than you in every way. His take offs are quicker, he’s paddled back out faster than you and he’s catching all of your waves. He’s often middle-aged and balding (hence the bucket hat) and sometimes he can morph into Aggro Guy if you’re not careful.