In a move right out of left field, Quiksilver Japan are claiming to have revolutionised the humble wetsuit with their new “true wetsuits”. In case the imagery didn’t give you a clue, these are business suits consisting a jacket, pants, a shirt, and a tie, all made from high quality neoprene.
The press release states that: “true wetsuits are not only an authentic, high-quality wetsuit, but also “suits” that can be worn on business occasions.”
As far as we’re aware this isn’t an April Fools’ joke, but frankly it’s a wonder it hasn’t been thought of before. I mean how many times have you been in the surf and then had to bolt to a high-powered business meeting and been caught short changing in the lift?
Or conversely, what about all the times you’ve finished up a successful powerpoint presentation to the partner of the executive board and with the surf pumping discovered that you’ve left yourself no time to change into your 3/2 for the late surf?
These consistent conundrums are now, thank the lord, consigned to the past. As Quiksilver put it: “The sport becomes more and more difficult to enjoy for the modern businessperson who is leading a busy lifestyle.”
And nothing screams a change in life like choosing between a black, navy, or tuxedo wetsuit that features a single breasted two-button jacket.
If you have ever felt the joy of riding through a crystalline green barrel, or diving down the face of an eight-foot wave at warp speed, then extrapolate that shit and try to imagine the euphoria of doing it while wearing a neoprene Tuxedo.
“How many times have you been in the surf and then had to bolt to a high-powered business meeting and been caught short changing in the lift?”
Or conversely, if you know the thrill of winning a big pitch or successfully signing off a massive budget spreadsheet, can you imagine the kudos you’d earn when delivering the news to your awestruck subordinates, but instead of the normal everyday suit, you have salty water puddling at your ankles?
And how about if you’re also wearing a tie that is made from 2mm super high-stretch jersey neoprene adorned with ‘sublimation transfer printing’ (whatever that is) that’s is delicately designed for business and party situations?!
That my friends, is winning at life.
Now we know the Japanese are known for their innovation. This is the nation after all who have a word – Chindōgu – which means the art of inventing gadgets that are seemingly useful but too absurd to actually use.
Just some of the examples include a baby floor cleaner (a baby grow with mop like material on the stomach), an anti-rape disguise (a dress that camouflages the wearer as a vending machine), a banana slipcase (um, a banana slipcase), a book-shaped pillow (for tired students), a butter grater (yep it grates butter), mobile toilet paper (with a dispenser that attaches to your head) and an umbrella tie (a tie that doubles as an umbrella).
Maybe this latest innovation will be the force of change that will tempt Kelly Slater to come running back to Quiksilver cap in hand, begging to wear a wetsuit whose inside pocket is designed with a fastener and drain hole (to store any electronic devices in business situations) and whose outside pocket is made with space to carry a handkerchief.
Or perhaps Quiksilver are just having a laugh? Either way, it’s a truly bizarre idea and one that had us scratching our heads.
If you’re interested however, orders can be placed through this website with purchases including a jacket, pants, a shirt, and a tie.
The price is 300,000 Japanese yen (excluding tax). That’s right for a measly £1,660 (plus tax) you can revolutionise your business and surfing worlds. What are you waiting for?