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Perfume, Pints And Alana Blanchard: 10 Terrible Adverts That Will Make Surfers Weep

Don Draper will be spinning in his grave...

Garnier Surf Hair

“Look at that epic windblown hair. Who cares if you don’t surf, you can tell people that you do.” And so Garnier Fructis Style Surf Hair starts off their ad imploring people to lie about their association with the sport of surfing.

“I’m not sure whether it’s the deceitful nature of the ad or my own impending baldness that rankles”

It only gets worse as our model dude is transformed from inner city loser into a cool ocean loving dude after a hair transformation that sees him come out with “epic, windblown, surfer hair, all day long.”

I’m not sure whether it’s the deceitful nature of the advertisement or my own impending baldness that rankles, but this just makes me feel very, very, sad indeed.

 

Carling Black Label

This early 1980s UK advertisement for a type of beer is a tough one to categorise.

For its time, it must have been fairly groundbreaking as a surfer rides a wave into an empty pub. He loses points for his slightly awkward style and naff boardshorts, both factors which push this into the so-bad-it’s-actually-quite-good category.

There is one confusing factor though when our handsome blonde surfer chap asks for a “Pint of Aftershave”. What on earth does he means by that? Is it funny? I have absolutely no idea.

 

Visa Checkout

“Can Kolohe Andino really pay for pizza in one of the heaviest waves in the world?” Well, no.

For starters, if you have ever been to Teahupoo, you will know that the mobile phone reception is either terrible or nonexistent. The pizzas would also have to come from Papeete, a good 50 min drive away.

“If you have ever been to Teahupoo, you will know that the mobile phone reception is either terrible or nonexistent”

Yes, this whole advertisement is riddled with inaccuracies and flaws to the point where I will go on record and say that I don’t think Kolohe actually ordered a pizza whilst in the tube as depicted.

I ask everyone who has seen this ad (and there is more 7 million on YouTube alone) to make a complaint to the appropriate regulators that this constitutes false advertising and should be removed.

 

Samsung Galaxy

Okay, maybe I’m just being an old cynic here, but there is something about the much lauded “Every Day is Day One” Samsung ad that grates a little.

Using surfers from Kelly Slater to a young girl’s very first wave, we are supposed to be swept up in the possibilities that surfing can offer. These possibilities include from jumping off cliffs and paddling around icebergs.

Sure, the footage is good, the underwater stuff especially, but at the end of the day this rather generic ad is simply using the feel good factor of surfing to flog mobile phones to those that will never feel that good. Is that wrong?

 

T-Mobile

Any advert that can star Alana Blanchard in a bikini and still be this crap surely has to win some award.

“Alana, this is no easy mission” says one of Alana’s wetsuit clad co-stars. We can only assume she is referring to the impossible task of trying to weld Blanchard’s wooden pornesque acting skills to the putrid script.

As Alana paddles into the distance, another co-star says, “Paddle around that bend where you will find a hostile compound of enemy haters.” We think this must be a metaphorical reference to all those who had the misfortune to watch this tripe.

 

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