Share

Travel

28 Things You Should Never Do While Going Through US Immigration

If you want to get your passport stamped, we recommend the following advice.

Mpora recently had the chance to visit the United States of America. Needless to say, the travel did not go as smoothly as we’d hoped. At Detroit airport, where we hoped to catch a connecting flight to Salt Lake City, we got hauled to one side by US Immigration Officials and put in a special room. And by “special”, we mean grey and bleak.

We spent so much time waiting around, and then being interviewed, in this room that we ended up missing our plane to Utah. Sitting there, flanked on each side by a crying lady from Georgia (the country, not the state) and a flamboyantly dressed lady from Ghana, we had a lot of time to contemplate the situation we found ourselves in.

What’s the worst thing we could say, right now? What’s the worst thing we could do? What would have to happen to make this terrible situation, even more terrible than it already is?

Rather than locking up those thoughts forever, and refusing to let them see the light of day, we’ve decided to share them with you…the people of the internet. And so, without further ado, here’s 28 things you should never-ever do while going through US Immigration.

1) Wear A Crap Disguise

 

2) Shoot Finger Guns!

 

3) Say “Bum”, “Boob”, “Boom” Or Anything That Can Be Misconstrued As The Word “Bomb”

 

4) Offer Them A Cheeky Bribe

 

5) Tell Them You’re There To Bring Down The Capitalist Infrastructure They Hold So Dear

 

6) Wear Your Favourite Communist T-Shirt

 

7) Ask For A Vodka Martini, Shaken Not Stirred

 

8) Flip The Bird

 

9) Wear Novelty Sunglasses

 

10) Shout “Fuck The Po-Po!”

 

11) Say You’ve Got A Package To Declare, And Then Gesture Suggestively At Your Own Groin

 

12) Say Philosophical Things Like, “…One Man’s Terrorist Is Another Man’sĀ Freedom Fighter…”

 

13) Openly Defecate

 

14) Secretly Defecate

 

15) Defecate

 

16) Fill Out The Immigration Forms With Your Own Blood

 

17 Sing The Opening Line Of Foo Fighter’s ‘Best Of You’: “I’VE GOT ANOTHER CONFESSION TO MAKE, I’M YOUR FOOL…”

 

18) Fall To The Floor And Beg For Mercy

 

19) Wink Mischievously…Like An Absolute Lad

 

20) Blink Excessively

 

21) Answer Every Question With “No Comment”

 

22) Ask Them If You Can “Shoot Up In Here”, While Unloading A Small Container Of Black Tar Heroin From Your Rucksack

 

23) Remind Them That “We (The British) Used To Run Things Around Here”

 

24) Make A Run For It

 

25) Hide

 

26) Whisper “I Love You”

 

27) Push Over Their Coffee Cup When They Fail To Reciprocate Your Feelings Of Love

 

28) Expect Your Passport To Be Dealt With Quickly And Efficiently

You May Also Like:

23 Alternative Responses to The Stupidest Travel Question You’ll Ever Be Asked

The 23 Strangest Toilets In The World

Share

Newsletter Terms & Conditions

Please enter your email so we can keep you updated with news, features and the latest offers. If you are not interested you can unsubscribe at any time. We will never sell your data and you'll only get messages from us and our partners whose products and services we think you'll enjoy.

Read our full Privacy Policy as well as Terms & Conditions.

production