1) Working inside when it’s stormy is the worst thing in the world…
Yes I know there’s thunder and lightning… but there’s actually wind. And I can tell you for a fact Mr Boss, that there definitely won’t be at the weekend. Let me out. Now.
2)It’s completely normal to drive the entire length of the country in search of wind
But I’ve got no money. But, wind. But it’s a really long way. But, wind. But the forecast might change. But, wind. But it’s December and it’s really fucking cold. But, wind.
3) Booms can be used for all sorts of things
Who needs a drier when you can incorporate windsurfing into every part of your life? Also, it will save you huge money on your household bills. Win-win!
4) Post Event Depression (PED) should definitely, 100% be recognised as a legit medical condition
No more cold showers, cold tents, cold water… But no wind. And no 4am absinthe. You need a day off to get over that shit.
5) The wind is really complicated
Upwind, downwind, take-the-wind, against-wind, hillside wind, downslope wind… Unless you were already a pro-sailor before taking up the sport, it’s really fucking complicated.
6) Camping is compulsory
Windsurfers have to camp. All the time. You just do alright?
7) Windsurfers are better than surfers…
Can they do a back loop? With a sail attached and a pole in the way? I rest my case.
8) A new wetsuit is as exciting as a new car
You can’t explain it. It just is…
9) You will never look like this…
Windburn is not a good look.
10) There’s nothing worse than spots spoiled by rubbish
Return to Offender is a brilliant campaign to get litter off our beaches.