Since that first freaky ultrasound picture you’ve been frothing about taking your child skiing. And now, three months’ salary and much frantic kit-bidding on eBay later, the time is nigh. But to help temper your expectations, and before you start googling ‘Winter Olympics 2030’, here are 18 truths about skiing with your kids that only parents will understand.
1) They’ll be scared of ski school.
2) Or at best significantly ‘Meh’ about the whole thing.
3) They’ll hate their skis.
4) And quite possibly you. But no worries you can turn it round with chocolate-based bribes.
5) They’ll get dragged along by a drag lift. But that’s OK.
6) It’s the chairlifts you’ve got to worry about…
7) Deciding who does the ski school drop-off and who rides the fresh powder may take you close to divorce.
8) But you can make the powder rider pay for it in other ways…
9) Shouting “Do a pizza!” to your child as they whizz past may seem a tad strange. Though hopefully you’ll be less of a dick about it than this guy.
10) Finding goggles that fit isn’t always easy.
11) Your child may want sit down and scowl a lot.
12) Cos all that fresh air and snowtime is pretty tiring.
12) Be prepared for your apres ski to look nothing like this…
13) Or this…
14) Though if you’re lucky and your kids are non-feral it may resemble this.
15) When they finally get skiing your heart will turn to mush.
16) But the buzz’ll be short-lived when you realise you may have lit the fire for a future charger who’ll want to do this…
17) Or *SHUDDER* this…
18) When you ask them for their trip highlight they’ll always say the snowman. Never the skiing.
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