Holidays, hey? What are they all about?

You book them, get increasingly excited about them, and then go on them. More often than not, you have a really good time. Splashing your unbridled joy all over social media, like a toddler with a tin of paint. Selfies on the beach, selfies in the restaurant, and selfies with Fernando (the part-time waiter and full-time cult-hero of your holiday in the Balearic Islands).

But sometimes, the holiday gods (who, ironically, can never find the time to actually take a holiday) send down their godly wrath upon the small folk and give them an absolute shit-fest of a holiday. When they do it to you, and at some point they will, you’ll look up at the clouds and curse them with your arms spread wide.

“Why holiday gods?! Why hath thou forsaken me?!”

In honour of bad holiday experiences, and as a blatant attempt to appease the bearded sky-men and women responsible for crap vacations, we’ve thrown together the most hilarious and ridiculous travel complaints in the history of humanity. You’ll look at these and laugh, not just because people are sometimes stupid but because sometimes people are really, really, really stupid.

1) “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”

2) “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”

3) “You said the town was next to a volcano, but we went and there was no lava. I’m pretty sure it was just a mountain.”

4) “My husband got carsick on the boat.”

5) “The street signs weren’t in English. I don’t understand how anyone can get around.”

6) “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”

7) “The animals at the zoo looked very sad and it made our children cry. Can’t they train them to smile?”

8) “We booked the honeymoon suite, and in the WC there were 2 toilets side by side. With no walls separating them! There is nothing at all romantic about that.”

9) “I packed for a mountaineering holiday, and couldn’t believe no one told me that there wouldn’t be snow. I had to go out and buy new clothes.”

10) “The ice in my glass melted too quickly.”

11) “Nobody told us the sand would be hot. It was almost impossible to walk on it.”

12) “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”

13) “Food in the Greek hotel was too Greek. We had to eat in the nearby fast food restaurant.”

14) “We bought Ray-Ban sunglasses for 5 Euros from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”

15) “No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”

16) “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”

17) “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”

18) “My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”

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