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The Environment

PornHub Reveal Massive Spike In Online Porn Use During Winter Storms In The USA

25% rise in online porn consumption in Washington DC alone...

More people in the United States are watching online porn because of Storm Jonas keeping them indoors. PornHub, which we’re assured is one of the worlds most popular porn websites has released statistics saying that the viewing of online grot has shot up since Jonas came and blew its load all over the East coast of the US.

The press release from Porn Hub (don’t worry, it’s SFW) suggests that since the storm hit, the amount of online porn being viewed on their site increased by a staggering 25 per cent.

More people are watching porn after the big storm hit – Graphic: PornHub.com

And it’s the nations capital, Washington DC, that saw the greatest rise in digital bongo flicks, those grubby Capitol Hill wankers, which possibly led to some people insisting the town be renamed Washing DVDA.

Philadelphia, famously the city of brotherly love, saw grot use increase by 14 per cent, while New York saw a nine percent rise, and Boston’s porn consumption going up by eight per cent.

Porn use on tablets increased over the weekend – Graphic: PornHub

“Hang one, one gosh-darned minute, Mpora” we hear you cry. “Maybe there’s some other explanation for this increase in inner-pant-friction”.

Yes, we considered that as well. However, 2015 saw another large winter storm, that time called Juno, which had a very similar affect on the wankers of the East Coast.

PornHub released a press release (again, SFW) at the time suggesting that the snow-induced lock-down resulted in a sudden spike in online porn usage.

Porn use increased in 2015 when Juno hit – Graphic: PornHub

One young man from New York has inadvertently become caught up in the spluff-a-thon when a a CBS News reporter caught up with him and his dad on the streets, only to find that he’d been shopping for lubricating hand lotion

How, we have no reason to assume that the young chap wanted hand lotion for anything other than the use suggested on the bottle. However… in fact, no. It’s probably best to leave that one there.

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