Ow owow owww!
Your stitch has a stitch. Your entire left side has pins and needles; your entire right side has cramp and trapped wind. You may have wet yourself, you can’t be sure.
And what is that pounding sensation? Your heart? Your brain? Your entire circulatory system? Are you dying? Is this how it ends, with you raising £83 for special-needs cats and then dropping like a lead balloon in soiled shorts?
Is that… Is that a tunnel of light opening up before you? Nana! She’s beckoning you! Go to her! Run towards your lovely dead Nana!
