1) If Someone Ever Tells You That Mountain Biking Is Fun… Don’t Listen To Them

2) It’s All An Elaborate Lie

3) You Have To Ride Through Dark, Muddy Trails…

4) …Over Steep Hills

5) …Under Depressing Skies

6) …Through Ugly Tree After Ugly Tree

7)  In Fact, You Never Get To See Anything Other Than Trees

8) Seriously, If I Have To Look At Another View Like This, I’m Going To Pack It In

9) You Can’t Do It In The City, So What’s The Point?

10) All Mountain Biking Is Pretty Much The Same

11) There’s Basically No Sense Of Danger…

12) …And Once You’ve Done One Trail, You’ve Done Them All

13) The Bikes Are Pretty Freakin’ Ugly…

14) …As Is The Bulk of the Other Gear

15) Some Trails Are Just Far TOO Fast To Look Cool

16) And There’s Just No Reward For The Slow Climbs

17) You Never Get To See Any Wildlife Either

18) And The Places You Can Ride Are Just So Limited

19) You Never Have the Chance To Test Yourself Against Other Riders

20) There’s Nobody To Look To For Inspiration

21) And All The Other Riders on the Tracks Are Always Such Tools

22) Either That or You’ll End Up With Too Many Friends…

23) …And They’ll FORCE You Into Having A Few Beers After You’ve Finished Riding

24) The Trails Are Always Too Busy

25) Crowded With Cars and Pollution And Buses And Litter…

26) … And There’s Just No Way You Can Possibly Make Them Different Or Better

27) …So There Really Is Not Much Fun in Mountain Biking At All

28) No Challenge

29) No Scenery

30) No Adrenaline

31) No Exciting Festivals or Big Events To Attend

32) And Certainly No Sense of Achievement

33) So Next Time Someone Tells You They Actually LIKE Doing This

34) Tell Them The Game is Up. Mountain Biking is The Worst. And They Know It

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