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Mountain Biking

53 Mountain Bike Puns So Bad They’ll Probably Ruin Your Life

Travel makes the conversation longer. Particularly if you ask a mountain biker...

So, you’re into mountain biking? And you’re a human being? Brilliant. Then you must love shit jokes. Doesn’t everyone?

See, as great as the mountain biking community is once you’ve spent a bit of time in it, it can be a bit of a cliquey place when you first get involved.

So, how should you break the ice and make new friends down the local trails? Well, why not tell one of these 53 amazing mountain biking jokes or puns, and if that doesn’t work, then repeat the process, and do so 53 times until whoever you’re talking to is now your best friend.

Right then. Let’s get started…

  1. Why couldn’t the mountain bike continue? It was too tyred.
  2. I was hit in the head by a mountain bike component. It was a bit of a shock.
  3. A skateboarder keeps jumping against my bike. He really grinds my gears.
  4. I illegally cut down a tree when I was trail-building. There were no witnesses, but my chain saw.
  1. The bike mechanic was a scary man. He was just always a little crank-y.
  2. I told the trail centre I’d broken the inside of my wheel. They sent me to their spokesperson.
  3. Why did the mountain biker kill all his friends? He was a cycle path.

  1. The mountain biker wanted more self-confidence. He hired a cycleologoist.
  2. He bought a bike far beyond his talent and named it ‘The Truth’. He couldn’t handle The Truth.
  3. When my mountain bike hurts me, I kick it back. It’s a vicious cycle.

  1. Bike pumps seem to get more expensive every year. It’s all that inflation.
  2. The wheel was looking particularly good today. Spoke-tacular, you could say.
  3. Alfred Hitchcock was a magnificent mountain biker. He was the master of suspension.
  4. I started crying when everything fell off my handlebars. My mate told me I need to get a grip.
  5. What kind of dinosaur loves mountain biking? Velo-ciraptor.

  1. He mouthed off about his skills a lot, but he was all torque and no walk.
  2. What’s the difference between a tricyclist and a well-dressed mountain biker? Attire.
  3. What did the mountain biker do when the storm came? Cycleone.
  4. I need to pay someone to take off my front suspension. I’ll have to fork out for that.
  5. I was told to lay the table. It turned out those weren’t the forks she had in mind.

  1. “You off to ride the singletrail?” No, I’m married. I’m going mountain biking.
  2. He realised he had gone the wrong way, and soon had to back-pedal.
  3. His shit suspension dampened his enthusiasm for the ride.
  4. He’s an absolute lightweight. Can’t handlebars.
  5. Apparently “200mm” wasn’t an acceptable answer to the question “how much do you travel”?
  6. Travel makes the conversation longer. Particularly if you ask a mountain biker…

  1. We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us… particularly on jump lines.
  2. He told me travel was the only thing you buy that makes you richer. I told him he’s clearly not checked the prices of suspension recently.
  3. Where did the mountain biker get lost? The Berm-uda triangle.
  4. My grandmother keyed both my bike wheels. I had two puncture.
  5. She started dating him because she thought he said he loved ‘MTB’, and yet here they are watching ‘Sweet Sixteen’ on a Saturday night.

  1. The rock garden was pretty scary but after I navigated my past Alice Cooper and Stevie Nicks, I was able to escape and go mountain biking.
  2. Obviously the mountain bikers favourite cereal was Shredded Wheat.

  1. The guy was too injured to go and get his mate out of jail after he crashed his mountain bike. He just couldn’t post-bail.
  2. He didn’t see what he crashed into on the farmland until he opened his eyes. It was a hay bail.
  3. “Did you clean the kitchen”, he asked? I didn’t even know there was a trail in there.
  1. First-time mountain biker Arnold was alarmed when the first thing he was asked was if he knew how to pump.
  2. The dirt that was kicked up behind the rider had been especially imported, hand-grown in Guatemala through a Fair Trade scheme that delivered only the best. It was artisan roost.
  3. I didn’t realise when he was talking about step-downs I was actually being fired.
  4. I didn’t realise when he said he loved riding tabletops that he wasn’t talking about his sexual preferences.
  5. I definitely didn’t realise what he meant when he asked if I had seen his whip on the local trail.
  6. Is that Coldplay playing on top of a pro mountain biker’s head? Yeah it’s Band-on Semenuk.
  7. Is that Brett Rheeder? No it’s the online version. Brett e-Rheeder.
  8. Is that a medal round Danny’s neck there? Yeah, he’s a Hart of gold.
  9. Is that Danny on the podium there?” No. It’s his brother. They had a change of Hart.
  10. He asked me if I liked Gwin. I told him I hated to Glose, anyway.

  1. What’s a pirate’s favourite mountain biker? Greg Minnaaaaaarggghhhhh. *worst one yet?*
  2. Don’t go for pints with Florent. He always orders a round but makes you Payet.
  3. I’ve heard Josh runs the best after school club around. That’s why mums go to Bryceland.
  4. Steve set up a marsh intended on catching mountain bikers who went off the trail. It was a Peat bog.

  1. I’m not a huge fan of ice cream but I love Kurt Sorbet.
  2. Danny overtook Steve. Hart skipped a Peat.
  3. Steve was just winning everything back in the day. It was hard for anyone else to com-Peat.

We’re genuinely sorry about most of these. Most of them. Some were great. Don’t lie. You laughed, didn’t you? No? Fine. We’ll come up with 54 next time. And they’ll be wheelie good.

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