Last but not least is the Lance Armstrong starter pack! This one will help you earn millions, win numerous titles, write yourself into the history books, and then let down all of the ones you love and lose the respect of all around you.

There’s some EPO – the performing enhancing drug of choice – and a syringe with which to apply it, then’s there’s also a stupidly expensive bike and the sudden abandonment of all your morals.

Think this all sounds sketchy? Don’t worry. It’ll all be worth it when you’re on that chat show sofa promoting your upcoming autobiography