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Outsiders

This Gas Cloud Contains Enough Alcohol for Everyone to Have 300,000 Pints a Day for the Next Billion Years

To drink your daily allocation, you would have to neck a beer every 0.28 seconds...

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Planning an epic house party this weekend? Don’t settle for the beer from your local supermarket just yet.

Scientists have discovered that a gas cloud in the Aquila constellation contains enough alcohol to provide everyone on Earth with 300,000 pints of beers a day for one billion years.

To drink your daily allocation, you would have to neck a beer every 0.28 seconds without fail. So who’s keen for a challenge?

The interstellar gas cloud is named G34.3 (we think it should have been called Stellar Artois) and was first discovered in 1995 by British astronomers.

It has more recently been discovered that the cloud contains the potential for the biggest booze-up in the history of the human race, and will no doubt now form the foundations of many misguided Kickstarter projects trying to funnel the alcohol from the cloud directly into their mouths.

Unfortunately, though, G34.3 isn’t just a cloud-come-fridge containing billions of ready bottled, chilled beverages.

The cloud contains unprecedented levels of ethyl alcohol, the substance used for the majority of alcoholic beverages, but it is also mixed in with hydrogen cyanide, carbon monoxide, ammonia and other nasty substances that we’d have to separate it from first.

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It’s also 10,000 light years away, which admittedly could also prove a little bit of a problem.

But where did the alcohol come from? Well, G34.3 has a diameter 1,000 times bigger than our own solar system, and at its centre is a star that is yet to mature.

Geoffrey Macdonald from the University of Kent believes that the high alcohol levels in the cloud are down to dust drifting towards this unformed star, and not the presence of a massive alien party that we’ve all been missing out on.

With pint prices continuing to rise around the world, we’re keen to find a way to funnel this booze…

“We think that the dust grains drift towards young stars,” he said. “And as they approach, temperatures rise enough to drive the new compounds off the dust grains and into the gas phase.

“That’s probably why we’re seeing high levels of alcohol in the region close to the star embedded in G34.3.”

With pint prices continuing to rise in city centres around the world, we’re keen to find a way to funnel this booze and get it back where it belongs – on draught in your local bar.

If anyone has any idea how to do that, send us a letter and we promise 300,000 pints a day in return if your plan works out well.

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