‘It Wasn’t Me, It Was The Karaoke’: Drunk Aspen Man Gives The Best Excuse In The History Of America

This is the most ridiculous news story we've heard in a very, very long time...

Photo: iStock

36 year old Aspen man Daniel Enzfelder was scheduled to appear in a US court to answer charges of theft after allegations against him suggested that he stole $200 from a strangers bank account when he found a debit card sticking out of an ATM.

However, according to reports in the prestigious Aspen Times, the defended appeared in court while drunk.  When honourable judge Gail Nichols, who was hearing the trial questioned the defendant on his sobriety, he reportedly answered “We did karaoke!”  adding “I’m human. We all make mistakes.”

The judge ordered the defendant to take a breathalyser, to which he reportedly replied “I’d rather give the guy his $200 back”. However, the judge won, and Enzfelder took the breath test, which found him almost three times over the legal drink drive limit.

The judge ordered Enzfelder to sober up in jail before another hearing to which he still foolishly tried to have the last laugh by claiming that sobering up would not take long because “I have Superman’s metabolism”.

Proof, if it was needed, that drinking is neither big or clever, even when it does sound like the implausible plot of a  Jonah Hill film.

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