1) My mate punched a driver for pulling into the bike lane. He’s a bit of a cycle-path.
2) There was a massive tropical storm while I was out riding my bike. I decide to cyclone.
3) My bike-mad cousin dropped out of university after one lecture. He was disappointed when he realised it wasn’t pronounced cycle-ology.
4) I run a surgery practice for cyclists who want to remove one of their eyes. It’s called ‘Cycle-ops’.
5) The dude who makes my wheels suffers from narcolepsy. He just gets wheelie, wheelie tyred.
6) Apparently there was a type of dinosaur which used to ride a bike. The velo-ciraptor.
7) A female boxer let the air out of both my wheels recently. I had two puncture.
8) Everytime my bike hurts me, I punch it right back. It’s a vicious cycle.
9) I bought a new wheel from the local bike shop, but it was missing something in the middle. When I complained, they sent me straight through to their spokes-person.
10) My bike always looks at me with a sense of sexual resentment. I think it wants to ride on top for a while.
11) When my bike chain rusted, the rest of my bike started falling apart too. It was a chain reaction.
12) A man woke up one morning with no hair and two flat tyres. It was case of ‘air today, gone tomorrow’.
13) I cycled through a meadow the other day and my bike looks much prettier now. I’ve got a daisy chain.
14) A maniac cut someone in half while I was on my bike today. I missed it, but my chainsaw.
15) My cousin loves E-Bikes because she’s really indecisive. She likes that it takes charge.
16) Did you know Alfred Hitchcock used to be into downhill mountain biking? He was the master of suspens-ion.
17) My mate is really good on a unicycle but very socially awkward. She can’t handle-bars.
18) A nostalgic mate’s bike broke the same day he f*cked up a mixtape he was making for his girlfriend. Now he needs a new cassette.
19) My race time today was so much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
20) I bought some handlebars recently but they’re a little bare. I told the guy I bought them from he needs to get a grip.
21) It’s getting harder to use a bike pump with every year that passes. All that inflation.
22) I rode my bike 10 miles to safely dispose of some paper, cans and bottles earlier. I was tired on the way back. I had to recycle.
23) My bike is absolutely disgusting these days. You should see the skidmarks.