HOW TO SPOT ONE: Their facial expression suggests they’re struggling with both clinical depression and physical agony of childbirth proportions. Their every plodding stride seems to demand superhuman levels of willpower to execute.

Please, somebody stop them

They don’t just find running a challenge – they actively haaaate it. Intensely and palpably, as if running were a person and it just burned their flat down and then shat all over their shoes for good measure.

Why, then, do they persist? Why don’t they find some other way of staying fit, perhaps with an activity that doesn’t fill their brain with murder and swastikas and weeping? Please, somebody stop them. It’s too heart-rending to watch.

See also: the Hungover Runner. They thought they could escape their booze-induced waking nightmare by running it off – they were wrong. Horribly, queasily, sorrowfully wrong.

HOW TO DRIVE THEM MENTAL: Holler at them from across the street, “Cheer up maaaate, might never ‘appen!”