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18 Truths About Skiing That Only Parents Will Understand

The original #assholeparents

Since that first freaky ultrasound picture you’ve been frothing about taking your child skiing. And now, three months’ salary and much frantic kit-bidding on eBay later, the time is nigh. But to help temper your expectations, and before you start googling ‘Winter Olympics 2030’, here are 18 truths about skiing with your kids that only parents will understand.

1) They’ll be scared of ski school.

skischool_84
Credit: Shutterstock

2) Or at best significantly ‘Meh’ about the whole thing.

brown890
Credit: Brown890

3) They’ll hate their skis.

KID-HATES-SKIS-1-gf

4) And quite possibly you. But no worries you can turn it round with chocolate-based bribes.

shutterstock_222202846
Credit: Shutterstock

5) They’ll get dragged along by a drag lift. But that’s OK.

FUNNY_kid_on_a_drag_lift

6) It’s the chairlifts you’ve got to worry about…

Photo
Photo: Matt Roeser

7) Deciding who does the ski school drop-off and who rides the fresh powder may take you close to divorce.

Teton Gravity Research
Photo: Teton Gravity Research

8) But you can make the powder rider pay for it in other ways…

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9) Shouting “Do a pizza!” to your child as they whizz past may seem a tad strange. Though hopefully you’ll be less of a dick about it than this guy.

10) Finding goggles that fit isn’t always easy.

Photo:
Photo: Ciara Quigs

11) Your child may want sit down and scowl a lot.

shutterstock_66759760

12) Cos all that fresh air and snowtime is pretty tiring.

Little_boy_falls_asleep_standing_up_skiing

12) Be prepared for your apres ski to look nothing like this…

@svdesz - the everyone else hates us beer

13) Or this…

folie douce
Photo: Folie Douce

14) Though if you’re lucky and your kids are non-feral it may resemble this.

kidsapreski

15) When they finally get skiing your heart will turn to mush.

Photo: Hugues Forget
Photo: Hugues Forget

16) But the buzz’ll be short-lived when you realise you may have lit the fire for a future charger who’ll want to do this…

Skier_does_100_foot_front_flip_and_stomps_the_landing

17) Or *SHUDDER* this…

Credit: Teton Gravity Research
Credit: Teton Gravity Research

18) When you ask them for their trip highlight they’ll always say the snowman. Never the skiing.

shutterstock_43120810

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