As any seasoned chalet bitch knows, guests are a royal pain in the arse.

Never mind the fact that you wouldn’t have a job without them – they are unbearable. Off-hand, inconsiderate, messy, unappreciative slack-jaws, swanning in and out of the chalet each week, eating into your mountain time with their idiotic requests for bacon and egg, tramping across your nicely Windolene-d kitchen floor in their sweaty socks.

Anyone would think they were on holiday or something, the bastards…

“If you’ve paid £500 for your holiday and expect to have your grapes peeled for you, you’re barking up the wrong ski pole, dear…”

Of course, if you’d paid over a grand of the cash you earned whilst soldered to a desk for 50 weeks of the year for a nice ski holiday, but arrive to find your ‘chalet’ resembles a Mumbai slum attended by Vicky Pollard, then you’d probably act like a bastard too.

On the flip side, if you’ve paid £500 for your holiday and expect to have your grapes peeled for you, you’re barking up the wrong ski pole, dear.

Either way, as a season worker, you’re bound to encounter a guest or two who honestly deserves to have their own ski equipment thrust conclusively up their arse.

Here are a few of the worst specimens…