43 French* Phrases Essential For Any British Ski or Snowboard Trip

*These may or may not be in actual French... Most of them are almost definitely not.

If you’re off to the Alps on a ski holiday this winter, it’s useful to be able to convey your usual British riding phrases in French.

It’s often not easy to find translations for the phrases you really want to ask. After you’ve found out the time and asked where the toilet is, the guides in travel books can prove a little bit useless.

That’s where Mpora comes in. We’ve teamed up with Google Translate to find out the (largely inaccurate and grammatically incorrect) translations for the sentences you’ll need to say when you head to France this winter.

Here are 43 sentences that will let you express your regular British slope terminology in stunning – stunningly unreliable – French*:

1. “Where Is The Nearest Bar?”

French: “Où est le bar le plus proche?”

2. “Whose Turn Is It To Get In The Gluhwein?”

French: “A qui le tour pour entrer dans le vin chaud?”

3. “Is My GoPro Turned On?”

French: “Mon GoPro est -il allumé?”

4. “That Park Rat Looks Like Such A Penis”

French: “Ce parc Rat ressemble tel un pénis”

5. “I’m The Best Skier On The Mountain”

French: “Je suis le meilleur skieur sur la montagne”

6. “Hold Me” (See Here For Why This Is Essential)

French: “Tenez-moi”

7. “It’s A Powder Day Bitches!”

French: “Il est un des chiennes de jour de poudre!”

8. “It’s Bluebird Bitches!”

French: “Ciel bleu chiennes!”

9. “I’m Totally Going To Make First Lift Tomorrow”

French: “Je suis totalement va faire la première remontée demain!”

10. “I am Far Too Hungover To Ski”

French: “Je suis beaucoup trop la gueule de bois à ski”

11. “Bro, You Were A Mess Last Night!”

French: “Frère, vous avez été un gâchis nuit dernière!”

12. “Yeah, I Think I Spewed In The Bath Tub”

French: “Ouais, je pense que je vomi dans la baignoire de bain”

13. “Can You Remember Why We Got In A Fight Last Night?”

French: “Pouvez-vous rappeler pourquoi nous sommes dans un combat la nuit dernière?”

14. “Why On Earth Did You Just Get Me A Half-Pint? I Don’t Care If It’s Continental!”

French: “Pourquoi diable avez-vous obtenez juste moi un demi-pinte? Je ne me soucie pas si elle est continental!”

15. “How Much For A Pitcher Of Your Strongest Cocktail?”

French: “Combien pour un pichet de votre meilleur cocktail?”

16. “Where Can I Find Your 80 Cent Wine?”

French: “Où puis-je trouver vos 80 Cent vin?”

17. “Who Has Some Paracetamol? I Think I’m Going To Die If I Don’t Get A Paracetamol”

French: “Qui a quelques paracétamol? Je crois que je vais mourir si je ne reçois pas de paracétamol”

18. “Dude, Where Can I Get A Condom?”

French: “Mec, où puis-je obtenir un préservatif?”

19. “Bro, As If You’re Going To Pull”

French: “Frère, comme si vous allez tirer”

20. “Hold My Beer, I’m Gonna Try The Double”

French: “Tenez ma bière, je vais faire une double”

21. “Did I Land It? I Totally Landed It”

French: “Ai-je atterrir? Je suis totalement atterri il”

22. “Dude, You Can Totally Make That Drop”

French: “Mec, vous pouvez tout à fait faire cette goutte”

23. “Call An Ambulance! He Didn’t Make The Drop!”

French: “Appelez une ambulance! Il n’a pas fait la chute!”

24. “Why Does He Say ‘Dropping In’ At The Start Of Every Run?”

French: “Pourquoi dit-il ‘Dropping In’ au début de chaque course?”

25. “Bro, I Could Totally Triple Cork This”

French: “Frère, je ne pouvais totalement triple cork cette”

26. “I Have A Mate That Nailed That Line Last Year”

French: “Je dois un compagnon qui a cloué cette ligne l’an dernier”

27. “I’m Definitely Going To Do A Season Here Next Year”

French: “Je vais certainement faire une saison l’année prochaine”

28. “Dude Just Send It”

French: “Mec juste envoyer”

29. “The Olympics Is Totally Ruining The Sport”

French: “Les Jeux olympiques est totalement ruiner le sport”

30. “I’m Totally Using My Friend’s Lift Pass”

French: “Je suis totalement en utilisant le forfait de mon ami”

31. “I’m Just Warming Up Bro!”

French: “Je suis juste un échauffement frère”

32. “One Of My Mate’s Got Like Seven Sponorship Offers”

French: “un de mes camarades a obtenu comme sept offres de parrainage”

33. “Squat The Rep! Squat The Rep!”

French: “Squatter le représentant! Squatter le représentant!”

34. “Who’s Up For Skiing Naked?”

French: “Qui est en place pour le ski nu?”

35. “What Do You Mean Your Revoking My Lift Pass?”

French: “qu’est-ce que vous voulez dire que vous révocation passer mon ascenseur”

36. “Which Way Is The Apartment? I Should Not Have Had That Second Shot Of Absinthe”

French: “Où est l’appartement? Je ne devrais pas avoir eu de ce second coup de l’absinthe”

37. “Dude, We Totally Need To Dance On That Table”

French: “Mec, il faut totalement à danser sur la table”

38. “Hey! Check Out Those Dickheads On The Table In Ski Boots”

French: “Frère, vérifier ces têtes de glands sur la table dans Bottes de ski”

39. “Look! A Monoskier!”

French: “Ce mec est un monoskieur”

40. “I’m Totally Getting A 90s Ski Onsie Next Season”

French: “Je suis totalement d’obtenir un 90 ski en une seule pièce cette saison”

41. “Starting Tomorrow I’m Spending The Rest Of The Week In The Park”

French: “A partir de demain , je vais passer le reste de la semaine dans le parc”

42. “That Guy In The Animal Onsie Must Be A Colossal Dickhead”

French: “Ce gars dans le onsie animal doit être un connard colossal”

43. “How Many G.N.A.R Points Do I Get For Learning All This?”

French: “Combien de points GNAR que je reçois pour apprendre tout cela?”

*We are aware that the majority of these translations are incorrect in nearly every way imaginable. Probably best not to try them out when you’re actually in France.

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