1) You try skiing first…
2) …Then think learning to snowboard will be piss easy
3) You buy a super stiff freeride board… because you like the graphic
4) Getting off chairlifts proves more humiliating than having your pants pulled down at school…
5) …And button lifts are your worst nightmare
6) You spend 600 quid on avalanche equipment – despite doing your first week on a nursery slope in Andorra
7) You’re still putting all your weight on your back foot when you turn
8) Two words: Punter gap
9) You follow your mate off-piste into deep powder, lose speed and…
10) You think jeans are acceptable riding attire…
11) Without realising you have to earn the right to rock them (not to mention stay upright)
12) You linger on landings in the park
13) You think you’re unique for wearing an animal onesie
14) You can’t keep up speed on the flats, so you end up pushing the whole way
15) Your arse looks something like this…
16) …And your dignity like this
17) But at least you’ll always be more stylish than the skiers!
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