20 Things Men With Beards Are Sick Of Hearing
'I didn't know you were ginger...'
1. "Can I stroke it?"
No you fucking can't.
2. "How long did it take to grow that?"
Far longer than you'll ever be able to grow yours, mate.
3. "Errr... You've got some Pot Noodle/scrambled eggs/pasta sauce stuck in your beard"
4. "Sir, do you mind stepping this way so we can frisk you?"
5. "Sir, is this passport photo really you?"
6. "I didn't know you were ginger"
7. "What happens when you go down on your girlfriend?"
Oh for fuck's sake...
8. "Are you ever going to shave it off?"
Probably not. Dickhead.
9. "You'd look so much better clean shaven"
Cheers for that, Mum.
10. "How long do you think it will take me to grow my beard that long?"
What am I, your personal Mystic Meg?
11. "Does it freeze when it gets cold?"
Yes, yes it does.
12. "Did you forget to shave this morning?"
Oh, piss off.
13. "Do you want a straw with that pint?"
Do you want me to knock your teeth in?
14. "Did you sleep on your left side last night?"
15. "Doesn't it get itchy?"
16. "Do you secretly get envious of other men's beards?"
17. "Did you grow it because you're too lazy to shave?"
In a word: yes.
18. "You know, some people think men with beards are less trustworthy..."
Can you spot me a tenner? You'll get it back by the end of the week.
19. "What job let's you have a beard like that?"
The best job in the mother-fucking world!
20. "Will it be cold when you shave it off?"
How about you tell me?