31 Travel Puns So Bad They’ll Make All Your Friends and Family Leave You

"I would like to go to the Netherlands one day. Wooden shoe?"

Travel is great. It’s literally our favourite thing. Know what else is our favourite thing? Puns. Obviously. Puns are everyone’s favourite thing.

So, in celebration of, err, travelling and puns, and the existence of both, we’ve decided to put together 31 gloriously awful jokes for you to read over and replicate while you’re out on the road.

Just don’t blame us if your Euro Trip mates abandon you while you’re sleeping after you’ve said four or five of them…

  1. The food provided on the small aircraft wasn’t good. It was just a little plane.
  2. I’m travelling South America at the moment. I Ecua-dor it.
  3. Ever thought about how funny mountains are? They’re hill areas.

  1. My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
  2. Tips for skydiving: chute first. Ask questions later.
  1. I’ve heard Oslo is a particularly dangerous city. There’s Norway I’d ever go.
  2. My friend travels around in a zeppelin because she doesn’t realise there are quicker methods to travel. She’s happy enough though. Ignorance is blimps.
  3. The ground rose up a little when we all left Athens the other day. It was Greece Lightning.

  1. When I arrived in my mixed dorm the 23 others I was sharing with did not look happy. It was a hostel atmosphere.
  2. I didn’t actually practise before flying a plane for the first time. Thought I’d just wing it.
  3. Sir Edmund Hillary returned from scaling the biggest mountain in the world and refused to go to bed. Does he nEver-rest?

  1. I’m not sure where to find snow in America. Alaska local.
  2. The sun only took one hat and a t-shirt on his holiday. He was travelling light.
  1. My cousin didn’t expect to like Cuba. Turns out she’s Havana great time.
  2. The puns in Croatia were Hvar from satisfactory.
  3. My little brother had to stay with our parents when we went to Italy. I was free to Rome.

  1. I’ve just arrived in Bulgaria. How is it? Sofia, so good.
  2. My friend was struggling to sleep in Stockholm. I wished her Swede dreams.
  3. We thought our tour guide got lost in Hokkaido, but he said it was all part of Ja-plan.

  1. Every TV program seemed to be about time when I get to Geneva. I thought it was weird but it’s what the Swiss watch.
  2. I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they’re my Seoul mate.
  3. If Catwoman decided to move to Nepal, what would Catman do?

  • Credit to Darren Walsh for that one!
  1. I make it through Java, Lombok and Sulawesi, but jump up in pain when I hurt my right leg in Bali. Island hopping.
  2. “My girlfriend went for a short break to the Caribbean. “Jamaica?”. “No. She went of her own accord.”
    1. I was late for my guided tour of a Greek cheese factory. Feta late than never.
    2. Sophie Ellis Bextor killed a man in a club in Poland. It was murder on Gdansk floor.

  1. I read a great article on sword fighters when I was in Japan. It was long but I can samurais it if you’d like.
  2. I would like to go to the Netherlands one day. Wooden shoe?
  3. You’re travelling round South America? I don’t Bolivia.

  1. Our tour guide in Czech Republic took no bullshit. He was very Praguematic.
  2. What does Father Christmas do for his summer holidays? Santa Cruz.

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