NEWSFLASH! Dolphins are absolute bastards. On 21st June, off the coast of Southern California, a dolphin jumped into a boat, breaking a woman’s ankles and smashing her daughter in the face.

The Frickman family were out boating to celebrate both Fathers Day, and Mr And Mrs F’s 18th Wedding anniversary. However, a dolphin that had gone rogue from it’s pod, started swimming along side the boat.

However, the families delight soon turned into horror as the 160Kg sea thug leapt into the boat. While thrashing around in the unfamiliar environment, the dolphin clattered into Chrissie Frickman, shattering both her ankles.

It then turned its attention to one of the two daughters in the boat, smashing her in the face, and injuring itself in the process.

Talking about the incident to local press, father of the family Dirk told of his efforts to keep the dolphin alive while it was out of its natural environment. ““I was letting go of the wheel every 30 seconds to a minute and slowing down and pouring water on it,”.

Dirk headed to the near by Dana Point Harbor [sic], to release the narked dolphin, with the help of Harbour Patrol Officers back into the water.

“I could hear my phone buzzing and beeping on the floor – it was covered in blood. The dolphin was hopefully saved. It swam away with no problem.” said Mr Frickman.

Happily the Frickman’s are now recovering well from their ordeal.

So, everything we think we know about dolphins is a lie. We always thought they were kind, intelligent beings – basically the Stephen Fry of the sea, and it’s sharks who were the bastards. But it turns out, dolphins just have really good PR.

You have been warned. Dolphins are a right set of shits.

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