8:09am – We’re out of the car, and running.

8:14am – We’ve arrived at the log-carrying obstacle, just in time to see the leaders of the Elite race running down the hill towards us (they haven’t even broken a sweat).

8:17am – We’re back in the 4×4, hurtling towards another part of the course.

8:20am – We’ve parked up in a large field, surrounded by some more scary-looking obstacles.

8:22am – The leaders of the Elite race emerge from the morning mist, run towards a big pile of tyres, pick up two each, and disappear into a wooded area.

“Enough barbed wire to fortify a maximum security prison.”

8:23am – We’re back in the 4×4 again. Karl is driving us to another obstacle.

8:24am – We park up by some monkey bars, and a water station.

8:28am – The race leaders attack the monkey bars, as the on-site volunteers shout words of encouragement. The Elites make it look insanely easy but I know, in my gut, it’s anything but.

8:33am – We’ve driven back to the finishing area, from where we’ll see the Elite competitors tackle the final few obstacles. I’m already pretty tired, and all we’ve done so far is drive around in a car and watch other people do the obstacles.

10:10am – I’ve climbed over things, flipped car tyres, climbed over other things, done a rope-pull with a heavy weight, carried some logs, and tackled the biggest cargo net I’ve ever seen.

10:11am – I’m feeling like a proper Spartan now, and start to quote the best lines from the movie 300 inside my own head: “Madness?…THIS. IS. SPARTA!”

10:13am – Barbed wire. So. Much. Barbed. Wire. Too much barbed wire. Far too much barbed wire. Enough barbed wire to fortify a maximum security prison. And my brave comrades are crawling under the barbed wire. Heroes, the lot of them.

10:15am – I’ve only been under the barbed wire obstacle for a couple of minutes, but already I’m feeling pretty stressed out about how much barbed wire I still need to crawl under. I don’t want to trivialise war, but this is definitely a tiny bit like a war (OK, bit of an overstatement to be fair).

10:16am – “I’m stuck. I’m stuck on the barbed wire,” cries a girl to my left.

10:17am – WAR!

10:18am – I’m still under the barbed wire. Will I ever not be under barbed wire? Will I ever know the comforting feel of home again?

10:20am – I’m finally out from under the barbed wire nightmare. I’m finally free.

10:28am – I’m halfway up a hill, with a tyre under each arm. And yeah, I’m really starting to “feel the burn.”

10:39am  – I’ve climbed sideways on a sideways-climbing-obstacle-thing. I’ve carried what feels like the world’s heaviest stone ball from one bale of hay to another. And now, now…I’m halfway through hauling myself over a fence with an inverted angle.

10:40am – “JACK! ,” I hear from across the field. I turn and see Yalda (Producer) and Ryan (Filmer) walking towards us. I wave at them with tired arms, before hopping off the fence I’m straddling.

“Jack, we need you to do some of these obstacles again. We need to get the right shots for the video we’re making,” says Yalda.

“Tell me you’re joking” I say, while wiping sweat from my incredibly sweaty eyelids.

11:06am – Over twenty minutes later and I’ve now done virtually every obstacle in this field…twice. If I was starting to feel it before, I really am feeling it now.

11:11am – I top my energy levels up with a lemon ‘n’ lime flavoured caffeine pack, and rehydrate my insides with about 700 cups of water.

11:19am – I’m hauling a pair of sand bags up a hill. The dude in front of me, who’s stopped for a breather, turns round and says “Why do we do this to ourselves?”

He laughs. I laugh. And then we’re both back to carrying sandbags.

11:30am – I’m running across the bridge, and back into the finishing area. Not many obstacles left now, and I find myself catching that all-important second wind.

11:37am – Monkey bars, done. Javelin, done (not very well, but it still counts).

11:42am – Time for the rope climb. Time to climb up a rope and in doing so prove to the spectators gathered here to watch that I, Jack Clayton, can climb a rope.

11:44am – Bloody hell. I’ve only gone and climbed all the way up the rope. As I tap the bell at the top, I let out a celebratory “YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHH” to let those below know just how pumped I am about climbing up a rope (I really, honestly, am).

11:47am – The final two fences are absolutely enormous, but high on the adrenaline after my successful rope climb I attack them both with real confidence and somehow make it over them without too much in the way of drama.

After this, it’s a jump over some burning logs followed by a straight sprint to the finish line where I pick up my Spartan Race finisher’s medal.

11: 59am – I exchange my beer token for an ice cold can, and sample the delicious liquid inside. It’s fair to say, after all of my morning’s exertions, that a beer has truly never tasted so good.

12:01pm – I look down at my medal, and slowly rub my fingers over it. I’ve done it. I’ve actually gone and done it. I AM NOW A SPARTAN. And, what’s more, I’ve had an excellent time becoming one.

For more information on Spartan Race, or if you’d like to sign up for one, visit the website. You can get 15% off using discount code: MPORA.