When you look at it, skateboarders are a bit like wild animals in the African Savannah; they are all very different and come in all shapes and sizes. Also like these animals, at one stage they will all congregate in one place.
A bit like a watering hole, the skatepark is an amalgamation of countless sub cultures and personalities. So if your heading for a skate any time soon, make sure to look out for one of these people:
These princes of darkness move like shadows around the skatepark. They are rarely seen actually skating, but instead sit and freak you out with their emo friends by hanging out where you left all of your stuff.
The Pre-teen Scooter Rider
The most hated person at the skatepark; these tiny weapons fly around with no particular trajectory. It’s almost as if they’re trying to get in your way.
They can usually do any trick, as long as it’s a tailwhip. They tend to lose their minds when one of them lands a trick and doesn’t die, and then continue to freak out for about 20 minutes…. Please, just go home.
Usually found in typically unsuitable shoes and uncomfortably tight trousers. The Hipster will be seen carrying his board by the trucks so that you can see get a prime view of his pristine deck art.
While you never actually see him skate, you won’t notice that he doesn’t because he spends all day telling you how much he does.
Scary Shirtless Guy
Steer clear of these legit bros. Nobody really knows why they don’t wear a shirt, but its probably to show off their terrible crucifix tattoos.
Often seen shouting at kids or changing the song on their iPod, these guys are usually pretty good skaters. But don’t bother telling them, they cant hear you over the sound of AC/DC’s greatest hits.
The 6 Year Old Who Is Waaaaay Better Than You
Probably the most annoying person at the park; these mini shredders are fearless, and have the skills to get away with it.
How did they get so good? Magic? Good breeding? Who knows. But, after one of these freaks of nature lands a switch tre he will stare at you with eyes that say “after I’ve finished embarrassing you, I’m taking your wallet, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
Why are they here? They don’t skate, they don’t know anyone at the park and they always seem to sit on the one perfect ledge.
Occasionally they will look and giggle at one of the more chiselled skaters, but most of the time they are of no purpose until one of them falls on their face trying to stand on a stray board.
The Girl Who Does Skate
The dream girl of most of the skatepark, the skater girl can be seen schooling most of the guys on pretty much all of the features. Be careful trying to show off…she doesn’t give a shit about your lame pressure flip.
The Overbearing Parent
Armed with a thermos flask and Richard & Judy’s latest book club choice, the skatepark parent can be seen to visibly flinch when their darling does almost anything. Nobody knows why, their precious little offspring is covered with more padding than Iron Man.
The Dylan Rieder Look-a-like
Every skatepark has one, the guy in the rolled up tight jeans , tight white shirt, dress shoes and slicked back hair. These doppelgängers may have Dylan’s look, but they very rarely have his style.
Steer clear of these fruitcakes, anybody who has that much of a crush on their favourite skater is probably a pretty weird guy.
The Rad Old Guy
The person everyone wants to be friends with, this weathered looking father figure has seen it all. He was ripping pools before you were born and he’s not stopping any time soon. Watch in awe as he 360 heelflips out of the bowl while wearing green-flash.