4) Shit days

Those days when nothing is working for you, however good you normally are. It’s not that you can’t land your tricks, but it’s as if you can’t even snowboard.

5) Powder days when you’re working

The thought of somebody else getting tracks through that untouched powder while the office bore explains the finer points of correct file management on a desktop, using the dragons from Game of Thrones as a weird metaphor, is hell. Torture.

6) Pre-kicker fear

That nauseous sick feeling that boils in our stomach before your first kicker in a while.

10) People who complain about skiers

This is getting really old now. Snowboarders and skiers are all just out there to have fun, and do their thing. The whole skier/snowboarder tribalism is just a bit pathetic.

11) Skiers

The annoying folk on planks who snake us in the park, turn the slopes into a mogul field, and trample all over our boards in the lift queue.

12) Traversing with skiers off piste

Okay, so it’s a bit of a love/hate relationship with skiers, but admitting there are some things they’re just better at, like holding a line while traversing off piste is just.. well, it’s not cricket.

13) Flat spots

The bits on the hill that level out for long enough so us and our board come grinding to a halt, leaving two options: unstrap and walk (humiliating) or rely on a friendly skier – them again – to give us a tow (also humiliating). The very definition of Hobsons choice.

14) Beginners arse

Snowboarding is just about the best thing in the world. Learning to snowboard, however, it just about the worst. You will fall. A lot. It will hurt. A lot. Your arse will be bruised. A lot.

15) Wet Arse

Snowboarding can be a little stop-start. And when we stop, the temptation is to park our arse on the deck rather than waste time unstrapping only to have to strap back in. The result is a cold, wet arse. Kinda makes us look a bit like we’ve had a pant-accident.

21) Spin-to-win

A dual pet-hate for snowboarders. On one, public level, we hate the concept of competitions being won not by style, but by who can notch up the most degrees on a protractor. However, on a much more personal level, we hate the fact that anything north of a 540 is out of reach for most of us.

22) Language

The lexicon of snowboarding is ever evolving, and each and every one of us puts in as much work as a PHD student to keep abreast of the latest names for tricks, and styles, and headwear, and technology, and board shapes and… it never ends. Keeping on top of it is trickier than keeping on top of cleaning the kitchen.

23) Not snowboarding

The winter seems like an endless bounty of opportunity and, if we’re lucky, days of blue skies, perfect powder, and good times. And then May rolls around each year and we’re stuck with another six months of empty, snowboard-free nothingness. Or, you know, dry slopes.

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